A Ghost Ate My Sandwich
by brokenmoonlight
Summary: 4th in the FLTNY series. Strange goings-on lead Vince to believe that his and Howard's new house is haunted.


**A/N: Just a silly little one this one, set about a week after 'Home, Sweet Home'. It's based on a prompt from Jamie (ButtonsMagoo) - thanks hun!**

**Disclaimer: I play with the characters. I don't own them.**

**xxxx**

If Howard thought he was going to be in for a nice, peaceful evening with the one he loved, he was wrong. No sooner had he locked the car door and walked through the garden gate than a piercing scream shot through the windows of the house and into the cold, night air. Panicked, and thinking Vince was in trouble, he ran up the path, rammed his key into the front door and shot into the house. Hearing sounds coming from the kitchen, Howard quickly prepared himself for an attack and barged in, covering his head with his arms and ducking as a baseball bat came swinging towards his head, accompanied by a battle-cry from a mere slip of a man wearing red, skin-tight jeans and a sequinned t-shirt.

"Vince!"

The bat fell to the floor.

"Howard!" Vince rushed at him, flinging his arms around the bigger man's neck and squeezing him so tight Howard thought he could hear his bones cracking. "I'm sorry! I thought you were a ghost!"

Howard managed to loosen Vince's grip on him just enough so he could pull back to look at him, with nothing less than an expression of sheer puzzlement. "You what?"

"A ghost! The house is haunted! And – don't laugh!"

Howard tried to wipe the grin off his face as Vince pulled out of his arms to glare at him. "The house isn't haunted, Vince. It's just old. If it's creaking or making funny noises it's probably just the pipes or the floorboards."

"But it's not! Stuff's disappearin'!"

"What stuff?"

"My lunch, for one. I had a tuna sandwich on a plate, went out the room to answer the phone, came back, and it was gone! Then, about an hour ago, I put some sliced chicken on the counter cos I was gonna put it with potatoes and veg for dinner and -"

"_You _cooked chicken?"

"Nah, it was a pre-cooked one from Tesco. Anyway, point is – that disappeared too, when I popped out to the corner shop cos I wanted some chocolate milk. Came back and the plate had been practically licked clean!"

Howard frowned. That _was_ quite strange. "Vince, sweetheart. You _were_ out until the early hours. You sure you're not just tired and forgetting things?"

Vince just blinked at him. "You know I sleep in late when I've been working. I wasn't tired when I got up."

"And there's been no one in the house apart from you?"

"No, and I checked for burglars – well, _I _didn't; Big Baz from next door did. We've got _ghosts_, Howard. Dead people. I can feel it – it's gone all creepy in 'ere."

"So, you decided to come at them with a baseball bat?" Howard asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement. Vince reddened slightly.

"I panicked."

"Right. And since when do we have a baseball bat?"

Vince shrugged. "Found it in the cupboard under the stairs. Previous owners must have left it."

"And why were you screaming?"

"Something brushed against my hair." Vince blushed even harder.

"What?"

Vince pointed towards a mashed insect against the wall. "Moth."

Howard shook his head at Vince affectionately and leant back against the kitchen counter, pulling him in for a hug and placing a kiss in his hair.

"It's not just me being stupid," Vince said, his voice coming out muffled from having his mouth pressed against Howard's neck, "I'm really freaked out."

"Hey, it's all right little man," Howard soothed, noting how Vince sounded like he was about to cry. He tilted the smaller man's head up, and saw his reflection in watery eyes. Well, before he did anything else, that would have to be seen too first. "I haven't kissed you today, have I?" he said, leaning down and pressing his lips to Vince's. When he felt Vince smile against him, he pulled away. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Come on. Dry those eyes and I'll take you out for dinner, okay?"

Vince nodded. "But what we gonna do about -"

"I've got an idea."

--

When Vince came back downstairs ten minutes later, eyes brightened and leather jacket over his t-shirt, he was surprised to see that Howard had set up a video-camera in front of a plate of biscuits.

"What're you doing?"

"I'm gonna let this run while we're out, and if anything happens it'll be caught on tape." At least, Howard hoped that would be the case. He wasn't sure how he was going to react if it turned out that there was some invisible, food stealing entity sneaking about the house. Then again, he wasn't sure how he would react if, instead of a ghost, someone was walking into the house and purposely trying to frighten them. Howard's stomach flipped horribly. Someone could have just walked in... while Vince was there.

"Babe?"

Howard hit the record button. "Let's go."

"Howard."

"Yeah?"

"What if it _is _ghosts?"

"Then we'll call Naboo," he said, offering Vince a small smile to convince him that everything would turn out just fine.

Vince seemed satisifed with this, and followed Howard out.

xxxx

"Wait here."

"What? Howard, I want to come inside – it's freezin'!"

"If the plate's empty then I want to check the house before you come in, just in case. Actually, even better, wait in the car. And lock the door."

"Howard -"

Howard cut Vince off with a look.

"All right, fine." Vince trudged back to the car and once he'd locked the door, Howard ventured into the house, grabbing the baseball bat that had been left by the front door. He crept towards the kitchen, leaving the light off as he moved through the shadows, entering the room silently.

The biscuits were gone.

Howard raised the bat and spun full circle with it, the piece of wood whipping through the air, ready to strike anything that might be there. Nothing.

He went over to the camera and rewound the tape.

--

Vince sat in the car nervously, his legs jiggling up and down as he waited, wondering if Howard was okay. And he was so busy thinking about his husband that he jumped in fright and nearly hit his head on the roof when Howard appeared in the doorway, laughing, camera in hand.

Laughing?

Vince flipped the switch on the central locking and let himself out. Howard wasn't just laughing – he was in hysterics. "Howard?" He approached him slowly, putting an arm out and grabbing his forearm. "What's so funny?"

Howard threw his arms around him, still laughing. "You'll never believe it! Come on, inside." He pulled a thoroughly confused looking Vince through the door and into the living room. "Look at this," he said, trying to get his breath back as he sat down on the sofa, tugging Vince with him. He pressed play on the camera, and within seconds Vince's eyes had widened to unnatural proportions as a familiar little dog belonging to their neighbour, Mrs Jenkins, scrambled up onto the counter and started to attack the biscuits.

"That little shit! I didn't even think about the cat flap!"

Howard sighed as the last of his laughter left him. "There must be a hole in the fence – I'll have a look in the morning, and get that cat-flap stuck down while I'm at it."

Vince nodded and hung his head sheepishly. "I really was scared, you know."

Howard ruffled Vince's hair and looked at him fondly as he put an arm around his shoulders. "I know you were. You weren't to know. Still, at least we know it's not ghosts, right?"

"I suppose. I feel ridiculous now," Vince said, snuggling into his embrace.

Howard took Vince's chin in his hand and tilted his face up, looking at him with twinkly eyes, an eyebrow slightly raised. "Want me to make you feel better?"

Vince smiled and pulled Howard down for a kiss, sighing happily when he felt the bigger man's tongue slide into his mouth. After a few moment he broke the kiss, an even bigger grin on his face than before. "I'm still a bit cold, actually – fancy warming me up?"

Seconds later he was giggling in delight as Howard picked him up and carried him up the stairs.


End file.
